I know the fear of being separated (by death especially) from my loved ones is the root of my fear and anxiety. I suffered the loss of loved ones as a young child and didn't have the help I needed to cope. Even after years of counseling and of growth in my faith, I struggle. The thought of losing my children to death, or even of them losing me, is upsetting. So, now I am learning to feel and express feelings, move my body, and approach the fear and past grief with compassion and space - while at the same time, balancing that with finding and creating moments of joy, delight, play, rest, fun, warmth, connection, etc. I like Eva's image of a tapestry and learning to live openhanded in the midst of the unknown. And your "I'm afraind and life's a gift."
Yes, it’s interesting how those early deep experiences and traumas really shape our lives and how we heal. I love the acknowledgment of the need for and the attempt at balance you describe here, understanding what has been, what is, and holding that with newer ways of being. Thanks Caryn!
Emily, For me there is a difference between not wanting to die and wanting to live. I ry to focus on the amazing mysteries and surprises of everyday living. From that perspective, dying is going to be the surprise of a life time. D
Yes, I get this Dave. There seems to be this tension/dance/balance between choosing to want to live (being vulnerable in that way) and not wanting to die (which I think is our "form" our "bodies" doing what they do, trying to keep themselves alive). My scale seems to be tipping a bit more toward the living. We'll see what happens!
Fear seems to be a part of the tapestry of life. I love the sentiment- Courage isn't the absence of fear, but moving forward in spite of it. It is challenging though at times. As I journey besides a friend with a scary diagnosis, the topic of death is ever present, though in a realistic way. It allows a preparing for it, even with the whole spectrum of emotions it brings with it. Learning to live openhanded in the midst of the unknown. Thank you for sharing and inviting reflection.
Somehow I missed your comment earlier, Eva. Thank you! More and more I think that living with the practice of openhandedness and being with the unknown is foundational, literally grounding (which is sort of ironic). I find relief and a kind of necessary consistency in the constant admission and acceptance that I don’t know.
I know the fear of being separated (by death especially) from my loved ones is the root of my fear and anxiety. I suffered the loss of loved ones as a young child and didn't have the help I needed to cope. Even after years of counseling and of growth in my faith, I struggle. The thought of losing my children to death, or even of them losing me, is upsetting. So, now I am learning to feel and express feelings, move my body, and approach the fear and past grief with compassion and space - while at the same time, balancing that with finding and creating moments of joy, delight, play, rest, fun, warmth, connection, etc. I like Eva's image of a tapestry and learning to live openhanded in the midst of the unknown. And your "I'm afraind and life's a gift."
Yes, it’s interesting how those early deep experiences and traumas really shape our lives and how we heal. I love the acknowledgment of the need for and the attempt at balance you describe here, understanding what has been, what is, and holding that with newer ways of being. Thanks Caryn!
Emily, For me there is a difference between not wanting to die and wanting to live. I ry to focus on the amazing mysteries and surprises of everyday living. From that perspective, dying is going to be the surprise of a life time. D
Yes, I get this Dave. There seems to be this tension/dance/balance between choosing to want to live (being vulnerable in that way) and not wanting to die (which I think is our "form" our "bodies" doing what they do, trying to keep themselves alive). My scale seems to be tipping a bit more toward the living. We'll see what happens!
Here are the questions again:
Where does fear surface in your life? What is your relationship with it?
What is your relationship with death? Has that relationship changed over time?
and
How do you experience life as a gift? How does death, life’s finitude, influence this experience?
Fear seems to be a part of the tapestry of life. I love the sentiment- Courage isn't the absence of fear, but moving forward in spite of it. It is challenging though at times. As I journey besides a friend with a scary diagnosis, the topic of death is ever present, though in a realistic way. It allows a preparing for it, even with the whole spectrum of emotions it brings with it. Learning to live openhanded in the midst of the unknown. Thank you for sharing and inviting reflection.
Somehow I missed your comment earlier, Eva. Thank you! More and more I think that living with the practice of openhandedness and being with the unknown is foundational, literally grounding (which is sort of ironic). I find relief and a kind of necessary consistency in the constant admission and acceptance that I don’t know.