So sorry to hear you’ve got a broken paw. I hope it heals stronger and quickly. Be gentle with it.
My tolerance for messes has shifted over the last four years of incapacitating illness. It’s a long story, not worth the telling really (at least not here). It’s relevant because of my acceptance of all I cannot do. I’ve only been able to be upright for about ten minutes at a time. So, my vertical life is now carefully orchestrated. If I’ve cooked something, the dishes will lay soaking in the sink for a day or two, one room may get swept, another ignored, if I’ve showered, the remainder of my day is horizontal on my couch. Serious conditions shift perspective on what truly matters each day. And recently I’ve been known to say “don’t mind the dust” as a friend comes in for tea. No one minds.
Thanks so much for your comment Teyani. I’m so sorry about your illness. And, yes, I so agree that perspective and what we can live with and accept and have some peace about changes so much depending on physical circumstances, emotional, mental, etc. To have companions who don’t mind the dust, as you say, is also wonderful.
Hi Emiily - oh gosh, that's such a bummer about falling on the ice and breaking your wrist! I wish you a successful surgery with no complications and a smooth recovery.
Currently, I'm noticing the messes cropping up from my past in physical symptoms, and in struggles with anxiety. I need to be a host to myself, in my own body, thoughts and feelings. I am learning to change my thinking from things like "I want to get rid of ____" or "I wish this would stop" to asking questions, understanding my initial protective ways, being present in my body and feeling my feelings.
I actually have similar experiences with dreaming and then not knowing if the smoke alarm chirp, or the door opening, or the sound of someone walking around the house is real or part of my dream. Or did I lock the door before I went to bed? or did my son get home safe? And am I worried enough to need to get up to check? I am learning it's better sometimes to just get up and check, or text my son and ask if he is home safe, instead of just thinking I shouldn't be worried and just try to go to sleep or go back to sleep. Then after I check, and know, then I say similar words, "I am safe. We're all safe in this moment." And then, sometimes, I even feel that peace under the covers and can rest.
Thanks Caryn, I appreciate it! I love the idea of asking curious questions rather than wishing or demanding, etc. I’m familiar with both of these! I also agree that sometimes (most of the time?), we should just get up and check the door. Lying in bed and trying not to worry rather than getting up and checking seems less kind to myself. I can acknowledge that “this is the way I feel right now” and get up and check. Thanks again for your thoughtful responses.
Where do you notice the messes in your life? Where can you be a “host” to yourself, clearing rubble and making space for the new? Where do you see the new appearing in your life?
and
What “boulders” have shown up in your life? How have you accommodated them? What effects have they had? What is your relationship with peace?
Oh, my heavens, Emily! First, I have to say thank you for this piece and especially the felt experience of the peace in the night. That was such a gift! And second, I am so sorry about your fall on the ice and your broken (for the third time) wrist. May you mend well, and may all you wrote about kitchens and messes and the temporality of things that go wrong live in you as you mend. Blessings!
"Where do you notice the messes in your life? Where can you be a “host” to yourself, clearing rubble and making space for the new? Where do you see the new appearing in your life?"
I think about kitchen messes left by other members of the family, and it's a real personal growth moment!
So sorry to hear you’ve got a broken paw. I hope it heals stronger and quickly. Be gentle with it.
My tolerance for messes has shifted over the last four years of incapacitating illness. It’s a long story, not worth the telling really (at least not here). It’s relevant because of my acceptance of all I cannot do. I’ve only been able to be upright for about ten minutes at a time. So, my vertical life is now carefully orchestrated. If I’ve cooked something, the dishes will lay soaking in the sink for a day or two, one room may get swept, another ignored, if I’ve showered, the remainder of my day is horizontal on my couch. Serious conditions shift perspective on what truly matters each day. And recently I’ve been known to say “don’t mind the dust” as a friend comes in for tea. No one minds.
Thanks so much for your comment Teyani. I’m so sorry about your illness. And, yes, I so agree that perspective and what we can live with and accept and have some peace about changes so much depending on physical circumstances, emotional, mental, etc. To have companions who don’t mind the dust, as you say, is also wonderful.
Emily, I'm so sorry to hear about your rental and even more so your wrist. I pray both are in a mended and mending state!
Hi Emiily - oh gosh, that's such a bummer about falling on the ice and breaking your wrist! I wish you a successful surgery with no complications and a smooth recovery.
Currently, I'm noticing the messes cropping up from my past in physical symptoms, and in struggles with anxiety. I need to be a host to myself, in my own body, thoughts and feelings. I am learning to change my thinking from things like "I want to get rid of ____" or "I wish this would stop" to asking questions, understanding my initial protective ways, being present in my body and feeling my feelings.
I actually have similar experiences with dreaming and then not knowing if the smoke alarm chirp, or the door opening, or the sound of someone walking around the house is real or part of my dream. Or did I lock the door before I went to bed? or did my son get home safe? And am I worried enough to need to get up to check? I am learning it's better sometimes to just get up and check, or text my son and ask if he is home safe, instead of just thinking I shouldn't be worried and just try to go to sleep or go back to sleep. Then after I check, and know, then I say similar words, "I am safe. We're all safe in this moment." And then, sometimes, I even feel that peace under the covers and can rest.
Thanks Caryn, I appreciate it! I love the idea of asking curious questions rather than wishing or demanding, etc. I’m familiar with both of these! I also agree that sometimes (most of the time?), we should just get up and check the door. Lying in bed and trying not to worry rather than getting up and checking seems less kind to myself. I can acknowledge that “this is the way I feel right now” and get up and check. Thanks again for your thoughtful responses.
The one is mended and the other is mending! Thank you so much.
Here are the questions again:
Where do you notice the messes in your life? Where can you be a “host” to yourself, clearing rubble and making space for the new? Where do you see the new appearing in your life?
and
What “boulders” have shown up in your life? How have you accommodated them? What effects have they had? What is your relationship with peace?
Oh, my heavens, Emily! First, I have to say thank you for this piece and especially the felt experience of the peace in the night. That was such a gift! And second, I am so sorry about your fall on the ice and your broken (for the third time) wrist. May you mend well, and may all you wrote about kitchens and messes and the temporality of things that go wrong live in you as you mend. Blessings!
Thank you so much Susan. I am mending along with the temporality!
"Where do you notice the messes in your life? Where can you be a “host” to yourself, clearing rubble and making space for the new? Where do you see the new appearing in your life?"
I think about kitchen messes left by other members of the family, and it's a real personal growth moment!
Amen! I have 3 teenagers, so the messes are real! Thanks Tim.